If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
