She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
