where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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