I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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