got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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