did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
