she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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