Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
