I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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