i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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