I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
