I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
