i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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