just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My vagina is officially offended.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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