she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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