We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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