fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
