I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
