I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
