I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
