FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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