oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
