Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
