My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
