he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
