I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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