if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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