I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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