Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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