My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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