I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
