i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
