hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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