So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
