Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Less talking, more tequila
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
