all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
