I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
