if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
