I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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