Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
