**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
