He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do vagina's smell?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
