So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
