Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
