I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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