FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
