I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
