South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
