he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
