There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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