I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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